One of the most often asked questions I face in dealing with marital conflict is: “Why did things change so much since I married?” or “This is not the same person I met!” or worst yet… “I was deceived… I met person A and now I
Welcome to the real world of marriage and long term relationships.
Peter Devries (Editor, Novelist, Satirist and Linguist, 1910-1993), said: “The difficulty with marriage is that we fall in love with a personality, but we must live with a character.”
Greatest truth said about marriage, and what it takes to make marriage a life long time endeavor.
Personality is your public persona. Personality is how people experience you when they meet you, when they interact with you. Personality is the part of you that “falls in love.” Personality is the impressive side of you.
Character is who you really are; it’s the core of you. Character is the person you are when no one is watching. Character is the decisions you make when no one hears you. Character is what happens in your mind in a split second! Character is the person you become when you face a crisis or when all things come tumbling down. I like to say that character is the “raw” self without the façade and the defense mechanisms we use to protect ourselves. Have you heard the statement: “We never though this person would do this?” Well, people only knew a “personality” not the “character” of that person. Character in the end is the constellation of enduring traits that are manifested in the ways that an individual reacts to the extreme challenges of life.
When you and your spouse met, you met each other’s personalities. You showed to the other person the most brilliant side of you or your public persona. You and your spouse don’t meet the person who charmed each other’s friends, bought gifts for each other’s parents, and always smiled from ear to ear. This is usually the wa